3 years ago today I was sitting alone in an apartment watching old episodes of Felicity.
2 years ago today I was checking out the weather forecast for our wedding day.
Last year I was starting my first contractions with Clare.
This year I’m sitting on a couch being crowded by stuffed animals and baby dolls.
3 years ago I cried about being overworked and alone and unfulfilled.
2 years ago I cried about how I wished it wasn’t going to rain on our wedding day because it was going to ruin everything.
1 year ago I was crying because I was afraid of labor and motherhood and the changes that were rapidly approaching.
This year I’m not crying.
I’ve always been a weepy person. I’ve always been forthright with my feelings about everything. And most times I cry about it – joy, sorrow, anything.
I consider Clare’s birthday my second birthday. No. Not the day I became a Christian. Not the day I was baptized or the day I graduated college.
In 5 days I’m going to celebrate my first birthday. I celebrate the birth of my daughter and the birth of my new life.
Clare has simply…changed my life. She has freed me to live and live fully with joy and with gratefulness.
This year…I have no reason to cry. I am not alone. Everything else seems so small compared to her being in my life, to her being safe and healthy and happy.
I’m not going to get presents or blow out candles on a cake but 1 year ago I received the greatest gift I could have ever asked for – my daughter, who saved me.