Bad Mom




Of hearing this!!!

“I’m a bad mom.”

“I’m such a bad mom. I let my baby do this or that.”

I HATE hearing that. And let me tell you…I say it myself.  I’ve said it a million times.




Let me say once and for all…You are not a bad mom! Neither am I.

You are gave birth to your child.

You provide food and shelter for your child.

You LOVE your child.

You’re not a bad mom if you let your baby sleep on their stomach or if you can’t breast feed your child? You’re not a bad mom if you have to put your baby in day care. You’re not a bad mom if you eat lunch while your baby is awake! (literally I’ve heard a friend say this)  You’re not a bad mom if you let them cry or if you brush your teeth or your hair or put some make up on while they coo in their crib.  You’re not a bad mom if you go on a date. You’re not a bad mom if you don’t have the nursery perfectly clean all the time or if your baby gets acne or HECK, any number of skin diseases.  You’re not a bad mom if you forget socks or a hat or whatever. You’re not a bad mom if you don’t read to your baby every day.  You’re not a bad mom if your baby doesn’t roll over or talk or walk or crawl or drool as soon as their supposed to.

You’re there, which is more than a lot of children get from their parents. I read that close to 3 million children were homeless, meaning they did not live with EITHER parent, in the year 2004.


Look, you’re in your child’s life. You care for them, bath them, feed them, take them to their doctors appointments. So what if you’re not doing things on the same schedule as that other kid that all the books are written about.

You don’t abuse your child or neglect them. Who cares if you put them in their excersaucer while you make dinner?

If we want to stop the rampant negative self image problems in this nation then we have to start trusting and loving ourselves in front of our kids.

Who cares if you don’t do a single thing the way people tell you to?  If you’re listening to your baby and meeting their needs, you’re doing the right thing.

So let’s start now.  No more “I’m such a bad mom.” talk any more.  Every time you hear that creeping into your head just say, “I’m a good mom.  I love my baby. I’m herefor them. No one else can care for my baby as well as I can.”

I’ll be the first.

I’m a good mom. I love Clare. I’m here for her. No one else can care for Clare as well as I can…except maybe Andrew.


10 responses

  1. Good for you Val! You are so wise! Way to grasp this so early on in the motherhood journey. It can only make things better for you and for Clare!

    And I agree… from all I’ve read, you are a great mom!! Clare is blessed to have you as her mommy!!

  2. i thought this was empowering.
    and this… “If we want to stop the rampant negative self image problems in this nation then we have to start trusting and loving ourselves in front of our kids.” truth.

  3. I couldn’t agree with you more. There is such a wide range of parenting strategies and personalities. I think people get fixated on certain things because they’ve been told by someone that is the way they HAVE to do it. This is partially a result of people believing what people tell them they HAVE to do. And partly a result of the arrogant people who constantly want to tell you what you HAVE to do.

    I also like that your “possibly related post section” reads “Octo Mom”

  4. okay. single biggest contribution to my ‘thinking of planning a family’ brain. I’ve heard this from some people and all i can think of is: ‘if in fact you feel bad because you’re pushing your conscience, change something. if you feel bad because of other’s opinions, stop. And if you’re saying that to avoid a possible arguement over your style, put your big girl panties on and don’t be afraid to say what you think, as in: yup i let my baby just cry when everythings fine and ive had enough.’

    Thanks, Val, for being brave enough to be positive and proud of what you DO do right.

  5. In fact, the rampant negative self-image is really a new level of narcissism. Every minute you spend focusing on how bad a person you are, how bad a parent you are, how bad a sister, brother, husband, or wife you are is a minute not spent being involved in that person’s life.

  6. I wonder if this isn’t another form of misery poker, (where people get a kind of perverse pleasure by complaining about their lives, jobs, work load), combined with our culture’s fixation on the Byronic hero as a moral exemplar.

    I get this kind of thing in school all the time. Kids think they’re going to freak me out bywhat they do. Last night I talked with an alumnus who specifically tried to shock me by saying he was rebelling right now: you know drnking and smoking and stuff, as if I had never had a conversation with such a sinner in my life. Last year a kid told me “I’m weird. Sometimes I like talking to people and sometimes I don’t.” I pointed out that this was actually a sign of sanity, but I’m not sure he believed me.

  7. Right on Val! You’re a great mom! It’s very scary how many lies we buy into without even thinking.
    And as to the getting ready while your baby is chilling, totally safe (maybe a bit put out, but absolutely fine)…go for it! I don’t think our culture is doing kids any favor by teaching them through example that they are the center of the universe and that the world revolves around them. They are super important, have worth, are infinitely valuable…but not the center. We wonder why young people emotionally crash when reality intrudes.
    Clare is a part of an awesome 3 member (and large extended) family and we love you!
    Keep doing what you’re doing my friend! Pat Andrew on the back for me too…

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