Miracle Grow

Before I got married people would say things to Andrew and I like, “It’s hard. Prepare yourselves.” or ” Oh you’re in love now.” or “It’s a lot of work being married.”

I guess it is hard in a sense.  It’s not easy combining your life with someone else. It’s not necessarily natural to consider someone else better then yourself or before yourself.

It’s a lot of work to invest your life and money and time into someone forever.

But no one said anything to me like, “Marriage will make you grow in ways you never thought possible, in ways you didn’t even know you needed to grow.” or “Marriage will inspire you to become a better person.”

Isn’t it always true that people who have wonderful things to say about marriage or parenthood or finding a carrier or college or whatever…never end up saying anything? And isn’t it always true that people who have had the worst experiences always tend to tell you their story emphatically and with loud and unending enthusiasm?

Before I had Clare people would tell me absolute horror stories about children dying and women losing their uterus and so on.

Gosh people! What the hooha is wrong with everyone?!

Doesn’t anything GOOD happen to anyone any more?!

I actually like being married!

I KNOW! Scandal. I’m supposed to tell you how difficult and awful it is so that when my marriage works out you’re super impressed with me.

I know what you’re thinking. I’ve only been married a year and a half and I don’t know what I’m talking about. But Andrew and I have known each other for 9 years and we’ve had a baby, bought a house, grappled with illness, my depression and other serious issues…so I’m not ignorant and I’m not naïve. If any of you doubt that, we can have a nice talk and I’ll give you my qualifications.

I feel like being married has helped me to grow and that is a good thing. Who wants to live a life where they have no reason to change and no areas to improve?

For example: I realized that I’m actually a really bossy and critical person. Didn’t know that until I realized how much I was hurting Andrew. I realized that sometimes blabbing your mouth about anything that’s on your mind is not necessarily good for the other party. I realized how much I talk but how little I communicate. I realized that no matter how many songs I write…I’m still not a very good listener.

I’m learning to love myself.

I’m learning how to love others completely and without judgement.

I’m more inspired to create.

And on Friday night after Andrew threw a few strikes…so did I. Because he helped me. Because he inspired me. Because just being around him and seeing how he lives makes me view the world in a better light.

In other parts of my world: Who else feels like they have been robbed with Day Light Savings comes around?


3 responses

  1. Val, I am sorry for not talking to you before you got married or had a baby. Because, if I did, I would have told you that I LOVE MARRIED LIFE! I remember right after we got married people would ask how it was and we would both say, “awesome… way better than I thought it would be and I thought it would be good!” almost 9 yrs later and i am still very happily married. And I love being a mom too… even on the hard days, I adore it.

    And I know what you mean about them pushing you to be a better person. I feel I have grown and changes so much, I am truly not the same person I was 9 yrs ago and I’d like to think it’s for the better. 🙂

  2. I totally agree Val only my baby came a month after we were married. I was told by SO many people that i would hate my life until we reached a point where we could tolerate each-other and be reasonably happy in 5 years or so. Ummm WELL if these last five years are supposed to be miserable then I can’t wait to see what the rest look like!

  3. Val, this is SO true. I’ve been saying since I was engaged that I can’t wait til I’ve been married for 10 years, because I feel like then I’m allowed to tell people how happy I am. The WHOLE time I was engaged, people kept snorting and saying “yeah…you’re excited now…wait 5 more years THEN tell me you’re in love.” or “Yeah, they’re all happy til the divorce papers come out…” i heard horror story after horror story of the dreaded first year of marriage, and I think it was all crap. I love, love, love being married. I love who I am, I love who we are together. I love growing and learning and sharing.

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