Can Do

I’ve always known Clare.

I know that many of you out there think I’m full of shiznit but, as always, I don’t care.

I’ve always known her and who she was. I knew the minute I was pregnant with her and to be honest I feel her spirit was calling to me long before that.

But Andrew had a different journey to fatherhood.

I don’t think that most fathers think about being dads until they are sitting in the hospital holding their tiny little baby. All of a sudden the fact that for 9 months your wife has actually been carrying your child – YOURS not someone else’s or a large pumpkin or a really big bowel movement. It’s your kid and you’re going to take her home…FOREVER (like the Sandlot) or at least until college.

Happy Christmas in my Bumbo

I have this thing I do. Whenever I get overwhelmed by how much I love Clare I look at Andrew and say, “I love ‘er. I love ‘er. I love ‘er.”, tears welling up and eyes getting bigger and bigger.

Andrew never laughs or rolls his eyes but simply smiles in sweetness to acknowledge my emotional spewing.

Sometimes it’s hard as a parent to see out of the tunnel. Life becomes a series of events – you feel like you’re tripping over your own life and landing in your face in some more of your life and then getting up the next morning to trip again on some more of your life. You forget to look at your children and admire them. You get so blinded by the every day that you forget to look at the extraordinary and give thanks.

The other night Andrew was showing me a picture that he had taken the day before of our little sweet petite. He kept talking about how cool it was.

“Whatever. Yeah it’s cool I guess.” I said.

“No. This is like the best picture ever.”

“Sure.”

“I emailed it to everyone.”

“Oh…this is weird you’re sounding like me.”

Later he admitted to me that the picture had changed something. He said he saw her for the first time…I mean…not HER but HEEERRRR….He saw who she was – the girl I had talked about loving and loving and loving. He saw who she was – his daughter.

And that my friends is how a father is made.

In other parts of my world: Please help. Schedule. Don’t know what it should look like for a 3 month old. I’m sitting here with my husband and our friend who are telling me I should have her on one…? (shrug)

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7 responses

  1. I NEVER bothered with a schedule for my kids I think that it creates more headaches for the parent. If your child requires a nap at 10am exactly that makes scheduling appointments harder, going to church, visiting… I much prefer the flexibility of not having one and my children are brilliant and well adjusted and fine.

  2. We have more of a routine than a schedule, but this is what we do:
    He gets up around 7 (although the last couple of days he’s been up more like 6 or 6:30, yuck), throughout the day we feed him, play with him and then put him down for a nap and continue that routine over and over. We follow his sleepy cues for when we put him down for a nap but it’s usually an hour and a half or so. Then bedtime is 7/7:30, that last cycle we reverse so that after his late afternoon nap we play with him a while and then we feed him and put him to bed. Then we’ve also been doing a dream feed at 10, where we get him up to feed him. And then he usually sleeps through til 7 (except for the last couple of days where he’s been up at 2 and 4, again yuck). Not sure what our problem has been the last couple of days but hopefully he gets back on track quickly.

    Written out in “schedule” form (although this is pretty flexible):
    7:00 Feed
    8:30 Nap
    10:00 Feed
    11:30 Nap
    1:00 Feed
    2:30 Nap
    4:00 Feed
    5:30 Nap
    6:30 Wake and play
    7:00 Feed and sleep
    10:00 Dream feed

    We’re trying to transition to a 4 hour schedule so we’ll be dropping one of these feedings soon. I only wake him up if it’s been 4 hours since a feeding or if it’s too close to his bedtime.

    I like the schedule because it helps me figure out what he wants and we don’t end up over-feeding him (we’ve been formula feeding). But, I don’t think everyone needs a schedule. You should do what works for you.

  3. Love the blog. I used a schedule and would recommend it. Not in a Controling Legalistic sort of way, but in order to create order and expectations and security. I also needed a little quiet, alone time each day. In fact, I need a schedule now. Hmmm some things never change.

  4. You know what Val? Stephen had very nearly the same epiphany with Olivia, right around the same time. I mean he knew Olivia was his and he loved her. But one day, out of the blue he began to sound a lot like me. “I just love that little girl”, he blurted out. “I mean, she really is a little person. I really do love her.” He said it as though it were a relief of sorts, that something had finally affirmed in his own heart that he too loved his daughter. Let me just say, every day I hear these words from his mouth…”She is just so freakin’ cute! I mean, I absolutely adore my little girl!” Watch out sister…the man in your life will only continue to fall further in love with your baby girl… and it is completely wonderful.
    As for schedules, felt the same way as you…really, should I have one? I agree with mom, stick to a routine, but don’t be militant. Life is subject to too much change. With that being said, routines are great to be in and great to take small breaks from. Oh and the most frustrating piece…once you’re in a routine, little miss sugar bee will decide it is time for a new one 🙂

  5. I use a flexible routine to create order in my life, if no one else’s, and both my kids settled into one for themselves after a couple weeks. I use the Babywise/Whisperer routine: eat, do something then sleep; so when he wakes up I nurse him, then change him and play/bathe/roll in the laundry until he gets sleepy, then put him down for a nap. About ~3 hours start to finish, then extending to 4 or more hours as he gets past 4 months. Might not work for all parents and kids, but the general routine of each day helps me plan and helped my older son sleep better and more consistently than he did on his own.

  6. How special for Andrew to look at her and feel that he really saw who she is. How special for a father to allow himself to become that vulnerable and willing to open his big strong manly heart to begin to understand the ins and outs of tiny Clare Vienne. I love, that simply and beautifully, he is her father and she is his daughter. And he loves her. I. love. that.

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