I’m a Christian…but not particularly religious and I have a horrible tendency to be blatantly honest and loud about my feelings.
I remember when I got pregnant with Clare and told people it was, “An accident”, they said, “Well, Valerie it is not an accident…it’s a surprise. God knew about it all along.”
Well, it WAS an accident on my part. And I WAS surprised because I didn’t mean to get pregnant at all. Whether God knew about it or not…I was unprepared. It was a divine miracle that came though the act of a human mistake.
I’ve never particularly liked the title “Pro-life”. It’s inspiring I suppose and it makes you feel like you can’t possibly disagree because then you would be pro-death essentially…which I don’t think anyone is…unless you support the death penalty. But that’s another blog.
I also don’t like it because when you become a mother and you carry your baby to term you give up your life. You sacrifice the way you used to live for a new life. You die in a way…like Christ.
Every mother has to come to terms with the fact that they are giving way to a new life and they are no longer the center of universe.
My dearest sister-in-law Care is 20 weeks pregnant. She finds out the gender of her sweet pea next week and I have to admit that I am absolutely out of my mind excited, like my insides start shaking every time I think about it. So she is halfway but the pregnancy has been a difficult one – something I can’t relate to. She has thrown up and slept and struggled through these many weeks. Only recently has she even been able to get up and out of the house.
It’s hard for Care to feel extremely excited about a baby that has caused her nauseous every night since October. It’s even more difficult not to feel guilty about hating the fact that you’re sick or that you can only eat hot dogs or that you are unable to do many of the simple tasks you used to do.
But the difficulty is important. It’s what bonds you to the baby…in a weird way.
This last Spring Andrew decided to plant a vegetable garden in our back yard. He had just an idea of what he wanted it to be like but he went to Home Depot and bought a bunch of seeds and got started.
He sweated and slaved over that garden all summer and by the end of the season we had delicious tomatoes and peppers and herbs all ready and fresh to eat.
It’s so funny, we buy vegetables and herbs in little jars and slice and crumble them without ever realizing what it took to get them there in our kitchen. A plant had to work and give up it’s life for this harvest. And that plant sustains our life.
Pregnancy is difficult but it is important that it is so. It makes life so much more meaningful.
God makes good out of our sacrifices. Out of the sacrifices of our bodies He brings great joy and he continues to give us life. Though we struggle He is always there with us, enduring difficulty just as we do.
In other parts of my world: Shopping done. Baby asleep. Andrew’s presents wrapped. Yeah. That’s right. I’m bragging.