Nothing Interesting

It’s here.

The LONG wait.

I thought 9 months was a long time to wait when in reality a DAY is a long time to wait.

I’ve done everything I physically can to get Clare here but as of tomorrow the race will have begun between my own body and the inevitable induction day.

I feel like I’ve tied up every loose end.

I’m running out of clothes to wear – clothes that fit – and I refuse to buy more.

I’ve had her and my bag packed for a week now.

I’ve done the laundry way too many times.

I’ve taken a MILLION long walks.

I’ve had so much licorice, I can smell it when I burp.

I’m out of room.  She seriously has nowhere else to go and she is still kicking like crazy.

I’ve tried to act like a crazy person and I’ve tried to calm myself down.

I’ve prayed.

I’ve cursed.

And I’m not even sure why.

Why am I going so crazy wanting something to happen that certain women have described as, “the worst pain of their life”?

Why!?

I’m walking around feeling like I’m have a pap smear 24 hours a day…well, that’s probably why.

I want to wear my jeans again.

I want a beer.

I want to pee like a normal person.

I want to see those little clothes fill up with a little body.

I want to sing lullabies all day.

I want to feel those little fingers wrap naturally around my own.

I want to feel proud of something I’ve done.

The selfishness of this entry is boring even myself…So I’m going to stop.

Winston has been following me around and sitting wherever I happen to stop. I thought this meant that labor was right around the corner....2 weeks ago.

Winston has been following me around and sitting wherever I happen to stop. I thought this meant that labor was right around the corner....2 weeks ago.

This is so much less like nesting and more like…begging.

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10 responses

  1. I completely know your feelings. I wanted so badly to go without an induction. But it went really well for me. Here’s hoping your induction goes just as well.

  2. Valerie,

    First I must tell you to cheer up because compared to myself with my first pregnancy you are tiny. I literally walked around at the end holding my stomach up because I thought it would be on the floor. Oh the misery.

    Stay focused on this misery and realize that sooner than you think you will miss being pregnant. I’m not ready to have another baby, but boy would I go through all of that misery again in a second! There is just something so powerful and amazing about the process.

    Right now you are closer to God that most likely you will be in your entire life. Only we, women, can come to understand what it is like to help God create something. Clare is His gift to you and only you can endure the process to bring her into the world. And God has given you everything you need to get through this….He doesn’t give us anything we can handle!

    I’m sure everyone has said this to you…but you will soon forget all of this and most likely miss it when its gone. 🙂

    Hang in there. I’m sure the next thing I comment on will be about your birth story and beautiful pictures!

    Blessings,
    Sarah
    ps. the only thing I did to put myself into labor was walk uphill or climb a bunch of stairs…:)

  3. ummmm…. I am sure you’ve heard this a few hundred times but since you didn’t list it in your list of things you’ve tried, i’ll tell you just in case.

    ya know they say the BEST way to get labor started is to do the very thing that put the baby in there. just sayin’……

  4. Oh, friend. I’m so sorry. I know it’d be easy to say that it’s coming soon, or how lovely your preggo belly looks, or somethin encouraging….but I say complain away! You’ve just spent 9 months growing your baby girl and nobody wants her out in the world as much as you do!! I hope she comes soon, and I hope you get your beer, and your lullabies. And also, please remember this feeling for about 14 more weeks, so that when I get where you are you can tell me the best things to do to make it easier!!

  5. Hey Val,
    First of all, thanks for your sweet comment on my blog about a million years ago. I did read it and greatly appreciated that tidbit of encouragement!

    I don’t really have any words of wisdom but I like Crystal’s advice! I will be praying for you and am so excited for you to meet this precious new person..in person. 🙂

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