Winston Says: “Throw. Pillow.”

I find this every morning.

I find this every morning.

“No but seriously Val. I thought you said it was a ‘throw pillow’.”

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean I want you to actually throw it on the floor every night.”

“Then why did you tell me to throw it?”

“I didn’t…I told you that it WAS a throw pillow.”

“…I’m confused…”

Really the conversation includes less talking, in fact none, on the dog’s part and more swearing and nonsensical yelling on my part.

Every morning I wake to the same thing – Winston snuggled comfortably on one of the couches and all the pillows thrown on the floor.

There are several problems with this.

First: He is not allowed on the couches and he knows that.  As soon as I come out and find him he jumps off as quickly as his sleepy legs will allow and looks up at me with those big eyes absolutely soaking with guilt. Then he drags his feet over to his bed, which is a huge green puffy pillow.

Oh you poor dog. I feel so bad that you have a big comfy bed and food and a treats and toys.  You poor thing.  No. You SHOULD go ahead and tear up my pillows.  You’re totally right to do that.

Second: Does he not like my choice in pillows?! I love those pillows. I made them. I love them. And he doesn’t even want to snuggle with them while he participates in illegal house activity.  What the heck?!

Third: All my pillows are falling apart and have dog hair and drool all over them.  What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to invite someone to sit down next to one of those?

Here you are friend…I promise the snot on the dried snot on the pillow is complete safe.

I’m going to become one of those dog owners that does a house breakdown every night.

Culprit....crime

Culprit....crime

First I’m going to turn up all the cushions on the couches.  Then I’m going to put all the irish spring out of reach as well as trash cans.  Next I’ll scour the house for used tissues just in case he might get a craving for those.  And finally I’ll make sure that every water source is blocked, closed or placed far out of his reach in order to prevent the almost nightly 3 am emergency pee wake up calls.

Next thing you know Andrew and I will have whole separate rooms of furniture in the basement to bring up for company.

Ugh! It just makes a girl want to scream!…or throw pillows across the room….you don’t suppose this is learned behavior?

In other parts of my world: Still pregnant. I want the next blog to be about my sweet baby girl instead of my sweaty dog.

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5 responses

  1. We had a cocker spaniel when I was growing up that did so many of the same things. And yes, we turned up cushions, closed bathroom doors and other such tasks when we left the house. Mostly because no one wanted to the “the one” to pick up 15 shredded tissues and dirty laundry strewn about the house once we got home.
    But we loved her. We loved that silly little dog. And she eventually grew out of it, too.
    ps…can’t wait to see pics of Clare!

  2. I am totally stealing that. Winston shall be my new swear as well. And I want you to know that in a small way he is trying to save other dogs so that people like me will read this and never get a dog no matter how cute and thus not put those dogs at risk of being kicked.

  3. Someone told me that if you put aluminum foil on the couch dogs won’t mess with it. Maybe he is too big to be bothered by it, but it would be worth a try maybe.

  4. My dog does this too… in fact, I’ve caught him in the act many times. I put BOTH pillows at one end of the couch so that he can hop up on the other end… yet he noses the pillows off one by one.
    I also come home to half of the bathroom trash chewed up all in the living room floor. If only I could train myself to close the bathroom door before I leave, sigh…

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