With Tears In Your Eyes

This Sunday was the last show I’m performing before Clare is born.

I booked two shows for this past weekend – The Maryland Seafood festival and the Takoma Park Folk Festival.  Both were a huge deal for the band and both were a joy to be a part of.

I remember I booked them when I was about 5 months pregnant and thought that I could basically do anything up until the minute before I popped Clare out.

Both contacts for the festivals were emailing every few weeks to make sure that I was still pregnant and still able to perform.  They were so kind to me. I can hardly express how much that meant.

Anyway, as the concerts approached I realized how hard it was going to be to actually do a 2 hour or even 1 hour set only weeks before my due date.

What

Was

I

Thinking!?

I kept making deals with Clare, who doesn’t speak English and if she could couldn’t communicate it with me through my thick uterine wall, that she would let me do both shows no matter what…even if I went into labor the minute after I finished.

Well…

I made it.  Or I should say WE made it.

I guess what I didn’t expect was the flood of emotions that accompanied this accomplishment.

As I sat on stage Saturday night every single memory I had of this incredible journey came back to me.

I remembered writing every song we performed that night.

See the memories?

See the memories flooding?

I remembered that cold January night when we invited Tim to play with us.  I remember feeling like we had discovered this incredible talent.

Sweet "Timbobby"

Sweet "Timbobby"

Then I remembered meeting Josh and seeing he and Tim become fast friends and grow so much in their musical ability.  I was in awe on Saturday night of how well they play and how they seem to get better and more in tune with each other every time we play.

I remembered discovering that Josh could sing really high. That was mostly funny.

Did I mention my husband takes amazing photos

Did I mention my husband takes amazing photos?

And I remembered meeting Care.

I remembered instantly connecting through music.

I remember her falling in love with my brother.

I remembered the day they got married.

I remembered writing songs with her and crying while I played new songs for her.

We’ve grown so much as artists and human beings together and because of each other.

True sisters.

True sisters.

Singing with Care has been one of the greatest joys of my life and the fact that things will change in only a few weeks completely brought me to tears on stage…multiple times.

It is no coincidence that Clare has such a similar name to my dear sister.

I don’t know what will happen after Clare is born. I don’t know how I will feel or how things will change.

I don’t know what to expect and I’ve never wanted something to happen some much and not at all in my whole life.

And now that the last show is finished…I have nothing holding me back from the inevitable – birth, where everything will change and the only certain thing is the fact that you are not in control.

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6 responses

  1. I have been thinking about this blog post for a while I read it as soon as you posted it but I was so full of swirling emotions I could not put into words a response. I am so glad you are having these experiences I think they will make you into a better mother and a better musician. The connection you have with the world around you, with friends and family is quite wonderful and I am so happy to share it in a small way here on your blog.

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