A Daydream Believer

I was named after two Monkee’s songs.

The first is obvious. It’s a nice little diddy called “Valerie”. I don’t suppose you’ve ever heard of it.

The second is “Daydream Believer”. You know…the song that goes like this, “Cheer up, sleepy Jean. Oh what can it mean to a daydream believer and a homecoming queen.”

“Dooo doo doo doooooo.”

Sorry. Got away with myself there.

Most people are named after their Aunt or the place they were conceived or some weird assembling of letters that doesn’t make any sense.

Not me.

Monkee’s songs.

I guess my fate was sealed from the day I was born. To be a musician – poor and blindly hopeful.

I’ve always believed that all you have to do in life is to follow your convictions.  Follow your convictions and things will work out right.  You may not be rich.  You may not be comfortable by worldly standards but you’ll be happy with yourself and your decision.

Of course…this is from the perspective of someone who has had it easy. I’ve lived a charm life.  So it’s easy for me to be idealistic.

No problem.

Months ago I release my first full length album. I was proud of it. I AM proud of it. I’d finally done the thing that I knew I had to do next and I was overjoyed. I was flabbergasted. I was astonished.

I was broke.

My husband believed in what I was doing.  He believed that this was worth investing in.  He believed I was doing the right thing and never scolded me bitterly or mocked my efforts but fully supported and supports every venture I’ve made.

But now I’m sitting here as pregnant as one can get and ready to give birth any second.  I’m sitting here feeling that the next right thing is to stay with my baby and take it slow for a little while…

I’m sure that when we see her face at last we’ll be awe inspired.  We’ll be crying our eyes out. We’ll be amazed that God has chosen to give us this blessing.

But we’ll also be broke and broker and more broke.

And that, I can’t help thinking, is directly tied to my ideals.

Am I wrong to take this step?

Many of you would say “No.”

Many of you would insist that, “Yes” it’s the wrong thing to do.

I guess I’m just finally realizing that I’m an idealist – a daydream believer – with not much of an excuse to be so and as bills pile up I begin to think maybe it isn’t as easy as just following your convictions.

Here are the lyrics to my namesake. They seem appropriate today.

My kind of money.

My kind of money.

Oh, I could hide neath the wings
Of the bluebird as she sings.
The six oclock alarm would never ring.
Whoops its ringing and I rise,
Wipe the sleep out of my eyes.
My shavin razors cold and it stings.

Cheer up, sleepy jean.
Oh, what can it mean
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen?

You once thought of me
As a white knight on a steed.
Now you know how happy I can be.
Oh, and our good times starts and end
Without dollar one to spend.
But how much, baby, do we really need?

Cheer up, sleepy jean.
Oh, what can it mean
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen?

Maybe I’m stupid for believing in daydreams. Maybe it will do me in in the end. Maybe my wildly unlucrative life will kill me eventually but I can not help but to “hide neath the wings of the blue bird as she sings”.

After all “How much, baby, do we really need?”

In other parts of my world: Canning starts! What a season.  Just as the weather starts to cool off we stand in a crowded kitchen with tons of steaming liquid and fruit.

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8 responses

  1. I totally support your ideals and yes Money is not easy to come by but I come from a house hold where work, even “good” work was put at a very high priority and as a child of that household I felt very secondary I was left at the age of 11 to mother my siblings. I watched them, I made dinner, I helped with there homework. Even if it seems hard and money is tight its better to grow up poorer and loved than richer and empty.

  2. First, can I say that I love the Monkees? I have memories of me in third grade riding my bike around neighborhood belting out, “Hey, Hey We’re the Monkees!” And Sleepy Jean… what a beautiful namesake… will totally be singing that all day now. Only, unlike you dear Valerie, my voice is not one that should be heard throughout the day. Thankfully, my children have not yet developed too critical an ear for music.

    As to the deeper questions posed in your blog today. I don’t really have an easy fix it all answer for you. Though I’d spend time praying and talking with your husband before you go changing your ideals. Ideals are pretty important things, ya know. And if I may say, looking back at the end of your life, I highly doubt you’ll say, “Man, I wish I had let go of my ideals and just worked more at a job I hated.”

  3. Where is the link to your album!!?? I was waiting for the shameless plug!! You’re not going to be able to put gas in your car with those leaves. The album, yes!

  4. I say you have something better than money. Or more importantly, something people with money are always trying to buy: contentment, happiness, good work ethic, talent, appreciation, family, commitment, love, nice things, and peace. If you are like i think you are, you didn’t buy any of those (with the exception of a few well-placed dollars in the ‘nice things’ catagory)

    The nice thing about being a daydreamer is that you don’t have to let go of your dreams if you put them to sleep for awhile. Seems to me this is a grand time for collecting all the experiences and moments needed to continue producing your music. Just don’t get distracted from those moments by money or the lack, or the haste of the next routine task.

    Im really looking forward to the next album, with songs i know will be in some measure inspired by Clare and your new experiences with her. Whether that comes in 2 years or ten or twenty, it will be worth the wait.

  5. Val, your blog today was beautiful and touching. Every young mother and every day dream believer has to ask these questions. God has always provided for you and will continue to do so.

    Not only do I agree whole-heartedly with everything everyone wrote, but I am simply and profoundly moved to tears. To think I know so many beautiful thinkers and day-dream believers! To think my daughter is surrounded by such golden friends!

  6. Sometimes you have to spend money on something risky to find out whether you should have or not. Sometimes there’s not another way to find out than to take a risk. Sometimes it pays off. Sometimes it doesn’t. But the real value is in the living, the experience.
    Whether you are rich or poor, you can get hung up on the love of money, which will make your soul poor. Pray to God to be free of that!
    Clare will make you rich in ways you haven’t imagined.
    So will your struggling, if you let it.
    It sounds like you’ve got a good grip on it, and I hope you do have some dreams that come true (but only the ones that are good for you). Don’t be afraid of risking some of the expendable stuff…

  7. This was a beautiful essay Valerie. It isn’t a bad thing to be introspective as long as you don’t have regrets of living out your dreams. When I read this I am praising God for the talent he has given to you, the family & friends that believe in that talent, a husband who is willing to support that talent AMD Winston ♥ who gives you a lot of fun stories to write about.

  8. Pingback: Dreams Don’t Touch « Bed By Day

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