Shut Your Mouth

You know when you see your blog stats slowly regressing to 0 views a day that it’s time for a new post.

This weekend Andrew and I had the privilege to attend two dear friends wedding – they were getting married…check this out…to each other! Wow! How often do you have that? Never.

Except sometimes.

Our friends had asked me to sing in the wedding, which I love – low pressure, pick your own dress. They asked me to sing an old traditional hymn which I only knew half the words to or really all the words but not what order they fell in.  Being a prideful person of course I didn’t write them down or bring the words to the wedding because I didn’t want it to look like I was reading music. Of course when I got there everyone had music or words with them…

Here is me not getting any of the words wrong...almost. Andrew thinks I look like the geico commercial with my headband on.

Here is me not getting any of the words wrong...almost. Andrew thinks my headband makes me look like that Geico commercial.

Anyway, back to the real story.

I have a very serious and undiagnosed disease.

I say really stupid things. Constantly.

Andrew and I arrived on time to the rehearsal.  We actually arrived before the groom. So we wandered around until we found some people that looked like they might be related to either Kevin or Laura. We had only a few awkward conversations with people (my fault – I tend to bring up really inappropriate subjects like pregnancy peeing to everyone) and then Kevin saw us and came over to have a chat.

We were both thankful and ready for an easy and delightful conversation with someone we actually knew.

Thank you Kevin.

So we started talking about music and I mentioned how thankful I was that Kevin wasn’t going to be, “A total schmuck and sing a song he had written for the wedding but had never played for anyone else but himself.” Then I said something about how pitiful that would be.

What did you just say to me Val?

What did you just say to me Val?

No joke…I’m not exaggerating. I actually said that. I used the word “Schmuck” at a wedding rehearsal. I might as well have inserted that into “Be thou my vision” along with all the other words I got wrong.

Oh…and did I mention his mother tiptoed up while I was letting this verbal vomit spew from my mouth? Well…she did.

Kevin then got a really seriously look on his face. “Ok, yeah Val. But I’m really going to sing a song I wrote for Laura and I’m going to need to borrow your guitar and you can’t tell anyone.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m very serious.”


“Yes. Can I borrow your guitar?”


“Please don’t tell anyone Val.”


Really?!! I had just called the groom a schmuck and not only that he wanted to borrow my guitar, which has an awful tendency to wig out in hot weather and which I frequently have out of tune.

Really?! I had shoved my foot in my mouth, down my throat, past my intestines and kicked myself in the butt and I was supposed to keep that a secret? For a WHOLE 24 HOURS!?

I can’t keep my social security number a secret.

I can still see the look on Andrew’s face. Hand over mouth, his smile peaking out and his eyes telling the pleasure he was taking in my moment of discomfort all saying, “I love being married to you – you who never fails to make a dull moment more ‘interesting'”.

I almost told a group of about 5 people within the next 10 minutes. Andrew would just grab my arm and pull me away.

Well…I made it 24 hours.  Kevin sang his song and Laura loved it.

See...she loved it.

See...she loved it.

And I was the only person that looked like a schmuck.

After 26 years of life I’m beginning to realize the value of thinking before I speak. The application of that wisdom is not going as well but…here’s to hope.

Here’s to love, which covers a multitude of sins and slurs and general personality flaws.

There he is...singing a song... Way to go Kevin.

There he is...singing a song... Way to go Kevin.

In other news: Seriously disappointed with Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. See it. But rent it. Don’t spend the 20 bucks to go see it in the theatre. Bleh.


8 responses

  1. OH Val, your posts always make my day. Don’t worry, I have the same verbal-purge-at-the-wrong-time tendency too. And Gary always gets a kick out of it. I can’t remember any verbal purge stories off the top of my head (I think I’ve suppressed them), but Gary’s facial response to when I’ve gone too far and should have shut up about 10 sentences ago is etched in my mind. I will work really hard to remember a verbal purge story and share it with you :).

  2. BAHAhahahahahahaha!

    next time that happens and you are bursting to tell, gimme a call and tell ME. we can laugh together.

    also, I love that you can laugh at yourself. it’s the only medicine for these kinds of diseases. it may not be the cure, but it sure does help ease the symptoms.

  3. Oh Val! We must hang out in person. See I think you and I would probably maybe be friends. (I feel like that is a song, and I am not sure of the exact phrasing but it popped in my head as I started writing and I felt I MUST write it) anyway, I too have a big mouth and totally know what you mean about dying to share your embarrassment with the world… it makes it better somehow, doesn’t it?

    this was awesome and def good blog fodder so you don’t forget it

  4. I don’t think it is a disease. And at least you admit your faux pas.
    And just for everyone’s information, she only switched 2 words.

  5. I am totally in the other room commenting on your blog here instead of just in person. I figured that way it would be hear for everyone to read. 🙂 haha. Anyway, I SO know what you mean about putting your foot in your mouth. It is good to be humbled. I am constantly reminded about the quote that says something like ‘better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are a fool rather than open your mouth and proove that it is true.”

  6. Oh val, I love it when you stick your foot in your mouth 🙂 Don’t ever change.

    And how often do two of your good friends get married, to each other?? Happened last October!

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