Friends don’t let friends drive pregnant

Today something struck me while driving in my trash car: Friends shouldn’t let friends drive pregnant.

Really. Let me explain.

Point 1

I can have a substantial amount of sleep despite getting up to pee in the middle of the night multiple times and still be tired and fatigued while driving the car.  The lull and purr of the engine is like magic to my pregnant mind and suddenly without warning I will be laboring to keep my eyes open. 

“Andrew. I’m sorry I had to call.  I was falling asleep and I didn’t want to crash.”

“It’s 11:30 in the morning Val…”

“Yeah?”

And this isn’t abnormal for pregnant women – it’s not just a trait that I somehow mystically bestowed it’s curse upon me. Fatigue and tiredness is common not only in the first trimester but the entire way through.

Point 2drivingpregnant2

I often experience rabid hunger while driving, no matter the distance.  I have bags and bags of chips and pretzels and trail mix at hand in the car just in case I might fall prey to my own stomach and it’s bottomless pit.  Not wanting to spend money I keep the food in the passenger seat as my driving companions (doesn’t do much for conversation but…). After all I’m eating for two. And drinking for two as well.  

Pregnant women have to consume an average of 300 more calories day than usual and most of us don’t stop there.  We also have to consume more water because not only do we remain 70% water like any other person but our amniotic fluid is replaced 8 times a day increasing the need for more liquid…no matter what it is.

Beverages and snacks are everywhere and they are quite the distraction while driving high speeds or in stop and go traffic. One look down to grab a ritz could mean trouble (that rhymes with p and that stands for… poptart).

Point 3drivingpregnant

This is a continuation of my aforesaid point. Given that your body, as a pregnant person, is in fact replacing the amniotic fluid 8 times daily on average and also considering the fact that as the baby grows more pressure increases on the bladder…you have to pee all the time.  

I can get ready to go including visiting the ca-mode twice and still have the urge to find porcelain within 15 minutes.  And let me tell you…this isn’t just a “I MIGHT need to” it’s a “I will eat you if you get in my way” kind of thing.  

So as you can imagine, this hysteria is not a welcome combination with rubber and road.

Point 4

this was taken before I was pregnant and was actually had nothing to do with driving but seemed appropriate.

this was taken before I was pregnant and was actually had nothing to do with driving but seemed appropriate.

 

 

And for my final point of the this post though not the final point of my dissertation – hormones equal heightened emotion.

I’m an emotional person to begin with but now…now I find that commercials about toothpaste make me tear up and that somehow that fight about pickles seemed rational at the time.  The car is even worst. I find that being alone in the car will often spur me to start thinking about life and everything else but without any other distractions, not counting the redneck bumper stickers on the truck in front of me, I find myself thrown into spontaneous weeping fits while Terry Gross talks to Iggy Pop about his new jazz album.

This swelling of hidden feelings often lends itself to road rage and more crying.  Not only do the ebb and flow of extreme emotional temperatures impact one’s ability to drive but the mascara people…it hurts and it burns in the eyes and no matter how good you are at crying…there is just no way to keep that stuff out while the Nile river is carving new frontier on your face.

So keep this as a lesson to you.  If you see a pregnant chick desperately trying to merge off the highway…let her over.  You won’t regret it my friends…you won’t regret it.

P.S. All these photos were taken pre pregnancy…you can imagine how bad it is now.

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8 responses

  1. Soon you will be able to find and plug in a pacifier while driving, wipe noses, buckle carseat belts, clean up vomit, read a map, drink a hot beverage, call your mother, check how much money is in your wallet, recite your grocery list into your cell phone, dig for change and put make up on while you are driving with your i pod on. I wish I had an ipod when my kids were mall so that I could have drowned out the screaming and fighting

  2. haha, val, i love you so much. this is amazing. also, i thought for some reason only later in pregnancy did women pee a lot. something about pressure on the bladder or something. however, nugget has not yet reached the size of a grape…and i still get up to pee 3 times a night. it’s very odd. also, the other night i nearly had a panic attack and utter meltdown because there was a giant bug in my room and geoff was stuck at work late. it was really the worst thing that has ever happened to ANYONE in the history of the world, as my reaction to those things so clearly conveyed. pregnancy is weird. i love hearing your stories!

  3. Thanks for the chuckles. You write hilariously well and all sorts of memories came crashing back, especially the 987 trips to the porcelain with the “I will eat you if you get in my way” desperation.

  4. Hahaha oh my. I recently found out I’m pregnant and remembering how much I enjoyed reading your blog during your pregnancy, I wanted to go back and find your first ‘prego post’. But being recently pregnant, I can’t communicate just how true and thus funny I find this post. 🙂

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